The Good Wife

I am so awesome. But also completely stupid. You won't believe what I did. I can't believe what I did. Hold on to your hats.

I suggested Mr. Blyleaf's parents come next weekend for lunch. And the brother. With the "fiance." I know, I know!!!! I think it was too much wine and then with the heat and I've been feeling so guilty about how much money I spend, I just wasn't thinking clearly. It was a moment of weakness. God help me.

In case you haven't noticed, I don't have the greatest relationship with Mr. Blyleaf's family. In fact, I think it was in 2008 that I decided I wasn't going to spend time with them any more. Because I want to be happy. And being with them doesn't make me happy. Frankly, it doesn't make them happy either so it's been a win/win, but they don't see it that way. When they invite themselves over, and they do, I go out. I see them at Christmas and Lauren's birthday. That's it.

It's a controversial position. I know that.

So what to do about The Lunch? Here's the problem. The rap on me is that I'm uppity. There's no need to go into detail. I'll just briefly mention that they're still talking about the time, early in our marriage, that I invited Mr. Blyleaf's family over and served them with real china and silver outside. Because everyone knows you use paper plates and plastic cutlery out of doors. Who exactly did I think I was? I do other horribly uppity things, too, like read the New York Times, own purebred dogs, and shop for clothes at places that don't also sell 15 gallon vats of mayonnaise and car tires. I could go on, but you get the picture.

I can mostly hide out in the kitchen to avoid socializing and I'll be sure to stock up on paper plates whether we eat inside or out, but the menu. The menu could be a problem. Obviously, anything involving a sun dried tomato or, I don't know, goat cheese is out. But can I go the extra mile and embrace their culinary vernacular, namely chourico, linguica, and other processed meat products most usually presented in an aluminum pan or on a skewer? Can I ditch the G&T's in favor of Miller Lite? I don't know. Look, I'm not making fun. Well, I am making fun. But I'm not trying to be mean. OK, I'm being a little mean. Mostly, I'm just trying to stay out of trouble. I'd like this not to be a disaster.

I'm thinking a bowl of fresh baby greens (I'll call it "lettuce"), little rolls (white flour, of course), curried chicken salad (that could be controversial), and a pan of roasted sausages with potatoes and onions (home run). Right? Iced Tea. Lemonade. Brownies. Brownies. I could even make them from a box. You can't get mad at brownies from a box. We feed brownies from a box to little school children everywhere.

Or is there just an audacity inherent in the dessert genre, period?

I don't know. Look, I can only subjugate my true identity to the expectations of the people around me to a certain degree before I'll just lose it and whip out a crusty baguette or something and then all bets are off.

I'll have to get back to you on this one. In the mean time, if anyone is having an "emergency" next weekend and needs me right away, feel free to call.