DWTS Preview

I'm terrible with predictions, but I'm happy to give you my impressions of the new Dancing with the Stars cast.

I'm already dreading the moment Jennifer Grey runs up the steps onto that little stage by the band, then turns and swan dives into her partner's arms a la the iconic Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner dance finale from Dirty Dancing.

The Situation and Audrina Partridge will be too self conscious, in the way all reality stars are too self conscious, to do well.

David Hasselhoff will be hilarious in a heavily medicated kind of way, but there's no way he can hold his center-- he's all about the lecherous pelvic thrust.

I don't know who Kyle Massey is.

Bristol Palin is any one's guess. I'm going to go out on a limb and predict she has to pull out due to "injury" because she lacks discipline and will be miserably unhappy being scrutinized without her crazy mom by her side. Too bad, because being on TV in a teeny weeny glittery costume, earning lots of money grinding up on some totally hot professional dancer is a very effective way to spread her entirely realistic message of Teen Abstinence.

Florence Henderson could actually be good as she's one of those all around performers from back in the day. But is she's flexible enough to hold up at her advanced age?

Michael Bolton could be good, but his hair is gross.

Margaret Cho will turn the whole thing into a joke- plus she likes girls so she may not get that real connection/chemistry with her partner that the judges always want.

Rick Fox will probably be all hunched over in the way that very tall people often are, but look for the judges to compliment his sense of rhythm and athleticism. I mean, I'm not saying the judges perpetuate racial stereotypes, but I feel like they tend to say those types of things to the black men. Of course the black men they have on are always former athletes, so it's a very tangled situation.

Kurt Warner is a Christian with traditional values. That could translate into a nice frame with the ability to lead. Oh, but the Latin dances. Will he be able to connect with a gorgeous scantily clad woman who is not his wife? It could be an issue.

Brandy Norwood should win. She's a veteran singer slash actress and I'm guessing, if she can't dance already, she can be taught. Additionally, based on her resume, I assume she's already comfortable on stage, can emote, and can count-- as in one, two, three, one, two, three, etc. So, she's my pick.

Those are my thoughts. Take them for what they're worth.