In thinking about the weekend, I'm more focused on what I didn't do than what I did do.
This weekend was Beth Moore's big So Long Insecurity event. I was torn because when have I ever not gotten a good word from Beth? So I did really want to go, but there were basically two reasons I decided to stay home.
The first reason is, I don't think the book changed me. Maybe I just wasn't ready, but I really don't feel much different than when I started. She does an amazing job of identifying the various roots of insecurity. She identifies them as: Instability in the Home, A Significant Loss, Rejection, Dramatic Change, Personal Limitations, Personal Disposition, Our Culture, and Pride. Then she goes on to explore the various ways insecurity can manifest itself in our daily lives and looks at specific triggers to those behaviors. It's helpful. It really is. I mean, I don't know how you can change without having that awareness. Beth next makes a compelling argument for changing not just for ourselves, but for each other and for the girls who look to us as role models. I really liked that because often what we can't do for ourselves we can do for someone else. And that leads to her solutions. Unfortunately, it's when we got to solutions that things fell apart a little bit for me. To begin with, she says we've got to stop making comparisons, start personalizing other women, avoid triggering another woman's insecurity, and set a good example. Beth also emphasizes the importance of knowing your passion and living a life of purpose. In fact, she really kind of parks there for a bit and makes a strong case for doing what you're called to do as a way not just to glorify God, but to avoid superficiality because possessing a spirit of superficiality and self-absorption is about the surest way to wind up in a pit of insecurity that there is. I wanted to throw my hands up at that point because I'm really stuck in this area and don't need to be convinced. But one precious gem I took away from that section is that the enemy is primed to get a foothold in that space between knowing what you are called to do and your actually doing it. Which may explain why I'm stuck, come to think of it. She concludes by saying it all comes down to trusting God. Which, I know. I just happen to be in the middle of a total spiritual freak out. So you can see why I thought better of attending SLI. It's just not the kind of thing you want to do with a hardened heart.
Which brings me to the other reason I didn't go. Beth Moore events are so much fun. Seriously, all of those ladies worshiping together is like nothing you've ever experienced. But it also is the kind of thing that has people attending in groups. In cute tops. And premium denim. With new super cute shoes. And their hair all done. And it can be a little much to walk in alone to all of that. Not that everyone isn't very nice. Not that I couldn't pick up a new pair of super cute shoes. But, for introverts like me, you've really got to get yourself psyched up for that sort of thing. And I wasn't psyched up for that sort of thing. So I didn't go.
Maybe I really needed to go.
And now that we've spent all of this time on what I didn't do, I don't even have time to tell you about anything I did do. I will just take a minute to say this, Friday Night Lights starts May 7th, y'all!! And if you're tired of hearing me with the y'alls all over the place, you haven't heard anything yet because I'm about to go full blown Dillon, Texas on y'all. Full hearts, clear eyes, can't lose.
Alright.
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